akimama

To everyone,I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to post for..

Added 2025-06-03 22:18:31 +0000 UTC

To everyone,

I’m really sorry I haven’t been able to post for two weeks.

Lately, I’ve been in a really bad place mentally, with my dad passing, stress from being a new mom and low self esteem that I just haven’t been able to film.

I’ve been stuck in a cycle of self-doubt, to the point where it was painful just to look at myself in the mirror.

The more I kept thinking, “I need to shoot something” or “People are waiting,” the more pressure I felt — and it became overwhelming.

In my videos, I act cheerful. But the truth is, I tend to fall into sadness sometimes.

I also struggle with social anxiety, and I’ve avoided interacting with people as much as I could. My fans have been my most treasured friends. And I’m so thankful for you.

Back when I was in college, people used to ask, “Why is she always so gloomy?”

I barely have any friends now outside of here.

(Even now, it still feels unreal that there are people following me.)

Because of that, I’ve always felt like I couldn’t show my true self.

So I’ve been playing a character in my videos.

And when I fall into a dark place, I can’t even look at my own face — so filming becomes so difficult.

But the reason I keep going forward is because I had a daughter.

I used to believe that if I showed my real self, people would reject me.

But now I feel like I can’t stay hidden in my shell forever — not if I want to be there for her.

I want to reconnect with the world, for her sake.

So little by little, I’m going to start showing more of who I really am.

Tomorrow, I promise I’ll film.